Thursday, July 12, 2012

Airplane food (Wrap of My Journey - Week 28)

Greetings from Row 89 Seat H.  It is from this cocoon of technology that I am penning the last of my vacation blogs on, believe it or not, airline food.  Everyone knows about airplane food (and the quality.... or lack there off) but this plane ride has a few firsts for this weary traveler:

1. Thanks to the ineptitude of LOT Polish airlines to "get with the program" and the whole meaning of  the "fast track/bag drop off" that is so heavily promoted by Lufthansa Miles and More (apps for both my iPad and my iPhone), I was down one Kotlety (and I am deathly serious about my take- in food). Wojtek was on the 7:30 am flight to the south of Poland and I was leaving on the 6:30 am. Arriving at the airport with more than 2 hours to spare, I actually RAN to my gate and missed out on a relaxed breakfast (plus the extra Kotlety was in Wojtek's bag).

2. Speaking of my sweetie.... He was left in the ticket line for his flight and got only a quick peck on the cheek from over the guard rails (I already was in the boarding cue) when he RAN to my gate to say good bye!

3. The rude (no big surprise) staff at LOT (again) refused to assist with my simple upgrade request (I got the Polish version of "talk to the hand") my seat on the LOT portion of my trip was in a space relegated for a hamster (crammed against the window by a perpetually smiling German man we shall now call "Dancing Bear").  He grinned at me the entire 2 hour flight . He cut quite a figure with his Hello kitty suitcase.

4. The whole wheat roll (part of what the LOT breakfast) was on the table at the Last Supper (even Jesus left it in the basket)..... I am 100% certain.

5. I am open minded when it comes to food but, hey, since when is the German version of a Kit Kat candy bar a suitable breakfast?

6. FRA to SFO in seat 89h is a real treat (hence the need for an upgrade). I am in the very last section of the plane that I know also must be considered the "quiet room" by Lufthansa. Ya know, the "quiet room" is that room at the back of the church where they take all the screaming children! Guess what? It's here at 36,000 feet! I will admit that all of these children could be advertisement models, completely adorable..... But their parents need to learn a few lessons from Katherine and Steve when it comes to corralling their young'uns! 

The Polish couple in front me (another reason I was begging for a new seat assignment) have two adorable, mop head blond boys but NO flipping control (these two kids are feral). Photo was taken while they were "feeding"..... I use the same photo technique at the zoo (animals tend to stay in one spot during supper time).  My "seatmates" (the stylish 30-something Italian couple) were laughing their back sides off.  At one point, Mrs. Gucci passed a neatly wrapped chocolate briscotti my way and Mr. Gucci said "Everything is better with sweets, no?"  I smiled and rummaged through my bag for a Xanax!

The older was standing on his seat before takeoff screaming at the topic his lungs. The younger of the two (about 3) was doing flips over the middle seat, head first, in to Mr. Gucci's lap.  Mrs. Gucci was not amused.....Mama Mia!

After take off the Omen 1 and 2 ran up and down the aisle while both parents slept (probably reserved the kiddie cough syrup for themselves) thus allowing those two terrors to get all the other kids whipped in to a screaming frenzy.

Omen 2 (the younger, louder and cuter of the two) would reach over his Dad's seat (yes, Dad was sitting there with no control of this monster) and turn off my monitor (damn....mid-movie).....this happened three or four times (me, putting on my Mean-Aunt-Dana face saying "NO" in Russian, Polish and English) until I gave up and decided to read my book (on iPad). He slapped my iPad on the way to the bathroom.  His Mom laughed and shot me the "isn't-he-cute" look.  (People.....please parent your children. You have to have a license to have a gun but any fool thinks they can parent)!

My flight was punctuated by the Omen 2 standing on his Dad's seat (Mom bouncing him up and down while holding him beneath his arm pits) and spit the entire contents of his mouth out on me! fish crackers.  Luckily, the Italians had wet wipes! Mommy said "oh...sorry" and shrugged! Idiots shouldn't breed.

For my pain and suffering, I had beef goulash, rice and peas/carrots with a weird pudding ..... Photos included. Makes your mouth water, right? This went VERY well with my French Cabernet (after these little brats, I NEEDED a drink. I'm sure I will be blogging the double martini at SFO).

Big surprise - the food sucked!  It's good to be heading home to the San Joaquin Valley and my FRESH and LOCAL produce :-)


  1. good blog ever for information about airlines i personally like it very much,your work is very impressive and information is also fantastic,true and of luck!
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  2. Thanks.....wish the food was better but this is why I always have food of my own in my back pack!